Photo recap! [warning:graphic intensive]
This is your only chance... LAUGH, people! LAUGH!
My dear old buspass/studentpass/ezlink card which has been in my possession since sec3! The horrendous photo was taken with a lousy webcam -__-'" (at the AVA room i still rmb!), and taken when i was the fattest ever and with that horrible hairstyle! urghz. in the end, all the rg girls became victims of BAD photography, and this side of my card never saw the daylight since! i always violently declined to show anyone my buspass, especially guys, becuz i honestly look like shit. so you should feel honoured that you actually have the chance to have a glimpse of this picture. in fact, the only person i have obediently shown this card to is... the rj libarian! ahaha! i rmb the first time i borrowed a book, she looked at my card, then looked at me, then looked at the card again before she scanned the card while stifling a giggle! lol! Many girls seem to have a common consensus that this card has sentimental values which make it worth keeping, but i have $30 inside!! sighz. and so, the best i could do to take a shot of my student pass the night before i surrendered it........
Daddy's birthday! My brother said we should celebrate daddy's birthday cuz i won't be in singapore to do such stuff next time... but my mum realised i would be ard in spore this time next yr, but only after she bought the cake, so... hoho... i got to eat another cake before i leave! =P
Dave unexpectedly shove one whole stack of "Project Superstar" live recording tix into my face while i was at my desk and i just exlaimed "wo yao!!!" ahaha... so in the end, i went with linda and shiyun excitedly to mediacorp lalala... and... linda took foto with derrick!!!!!
and so did i!!!
wahaha! GOTCHA! it's just derrick's board... duh, he's not in the 4th quarter finals la... sad... (but hey, i took great pains to edit the derrick and dada foto k! ask les! ;) my exp graphic-editing program finally put to use!)
But then, with another (HUGE) stroke of luck, i met my 2nd benefactor, yixin, who gave me tix to the Male revival round the following week!!! unbelivable! so we could finally see the real derrick after all! throughout the 2 shows (oh we sneaked into the female show, again! we were so pro at it liao! ;) ) i was busy snapping fotos! but more than half were blur haha... i found this show much more enjoyable than the previous wk's, probably cuz the performances were generally better and the hosts and judges were crazier during the off-air breaks lol!
Will upload the bigger fotos soon and post the link on the right column of my blog!
The day we went down to for the revival show, we shun4 bian4 had our les outing too! =D
Yes, neoprint WAS the fad; yes, you think taking neoprint is girlish or childish or bimbotic. But i'm not afraid to say, i had so much FUN!!! haha... well, i think it's doing these little "silly" stuff from time to time with who else but your dearest friends that really spices up your life! :) this was the most successful and enjoyable attempt at neoprint for me, cuz we had disgustingly so much time to add little pics and write words on the screen! the countdown timer just kept adding bonus seconds by itself! lol! i personally
detest time limits: the pressure from time limits never
fails to unsettle me so much i freak out and screw up! urghz. that's why i love this neoprint machine we went to and the final products we had! while we were editing halfway, i suddenly exclaimed "OH MAN! i won't be able to do this in US!" and dada and i burst out laughing. such sudden "revelation" has become more n more frequent for me that it's starting to hit me that i'm not just
going to cornell soon, i am also
leaving spore soon too... (psst... do we have S.H.E de gan3 jue2??? ahaha...:P)
Experiences 2005! Even though i am nothing but a lowly extra volunteer to the organising committee, it's still an honour to be "part" of this pro committee! The magnitude of the event, the set-up of the event venue, the sponsors that were involved, the publicity received, the programme sheets and down to our pro lanyards! -- everything is so impressive! This comm is so professional i'm inspired to organise such huge events in the future too! :) Christina and i were the youngest in the comm haha... well, i became quite accustomed to wide-eyed "Really?" when i introduced myself "i'm entering cornell this year" haha, cuz by right, only
current singaporean students studying in US would have heard of, and consequently, help out at E2K5. oh well... within the comm, interacted with many rising sophomores/juniors from various unis... mmm... nice and interesting ppl... as in really nice lor, like seniors offering rides home after meetings... so many of them drive!!! crazily rich ah! budden, i'd probably lose contact with them other than my nice cornell seniors hee...
Hee, danxu was visibly pleased to have us sending her off at the airport... just when i thought my last-min effort in gathering ppl down at airport was going to fail miserably, surprisingly 5 of us actually made it in the end, despite 2 barely recovering from their illness, 1 busy helping out at a fair for 10hr non-stop and was dragging her half-dangling sandal there, 1 close to burnt-out from job attachment, and 1 going to see danxu again very soon at the same uni. "True friends"? lol, we had a rather funny chat on that! The simple yet really nice all-girl chat-cum-gathering was pretty satisfying...
wk messing with my cam! well, i realise that IF i ever become a superstar in the future, i would more than welcome the paparazzi chasing after me to snap fotos because: 1) i have a nice hand and nice fingers for them to shoot 2) i know how to block my face yet not block it entirely such that i am still recognizable in the photo 3) i look better in photos with my face blocked leh (erpz!). ahaha... anw, tks for the long-overdue ice cream treat! hehe.. :) to think it started out with a 50cent Mac ice cream cone -- hyperinflation eh? lol..
My long-awaited HUGE Orientation package! yay! i am always extremely excited to receive any mail from cornell, because each mail/package has amazingly flown over half the globe avoiding mishaps to arrive in my hands wow, and because each mail/package i receive means one step closer to cornell! =D Now when i think of the required reading book's title "Things fall apart" i'll be reminded of this fellow freshman's hilarious allusion to his orientation package being manhandled by the postmen such that it's "erm... falling apart" lol! well despite receiving the package for 1week already, i haven't started reading the book! :P inertia la... haha..
PUB gave each of us 2 Creative webcams as a present on our scholarship presentation ceremony today! hehe... Although we have enough webcams at home already, this webcam is superior man! well, the first test shot of the webcam has to be tested on -ahem- my face right... hahaha... (this is what flo calls "zi lian-ing" aha) anw, the ceremony was really quite formal! well i was told it would be more than a simple lunch with CE ceremony, but i still underestimated the magnitude... It's not too bad to be under a scholarship board with not that many scholars huh? =P
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8:59 PM
a confused mind
I can't write. I don't know what to write. I don't how to write. I
suck at writing.
I don't know what i am blogging for. Is is for me to express my random thoughts and emotions uninhibitedly, or to let you have preview of what's in my mind, or for me to have a comprehensive record of every bit of my life for future references, or to update you on every single event that has happened in my life? Is it for me to post stuff that is interesting to me but not interesting to you, or is it for me to post stuff that is interesting to you but not interesting to me?
Should each entry be long and detailed, but dreary? or should each entry be short and straightforward, but sheds no insights?
And because I procrastinate and hesitate so much, entries which i have in mind usually never materialise online, which explains the irregular postings.
And so, like the case of shopping, i post entries on impulse. and these impulses have to happen at the right time ie when i have immediate access to my laptop before the impulse dies down. or the contents must be sth i have strong desire to share such that i will still ultimately post it no matter how long ago the desire arse.
now you understand each post you see here, be it long or short, is the end-product of the wrestles between the conflicts of my mind. Then again, why am i complicating such a simple activity? sighz.
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6:01 PM
The meaning of "thank you"
yesterday the s03s got back their phy common test paper finally. one student thanked me online, for answering his qns and explaining concepts to him over msn over the june hols i presume... another student oso thanked me online, for explaining some mcqs to him until 2am over msn once i presume... haha... and he even claimed he wants to take me as his role model! (minus the gp part aha :P) WOAH.
so sweet... :) they probably don't know how much these little words of thanks mean to me... i feel as though i just received my teacher's day gifts in advance heez.
well, it only takes so little to touch someone's heart, yeah? :)
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1:53 PM
(titleless)
As we left mediacorp just now...
"(pointing to mediacorp building) You thought of working here before hor? if not u wouldn't have wanted to study in that... err... ah, SCI right?" linda asked me.
"yeah... when i was young..." for that moment, i forgot that 3 months ago, i indeed had that in mind too... the reasons, which i repeated many times during the interviews, somehow seem so distant to me now i can hardly phrase them properly....
and tomorrow, i am going to sign the deed. the next 10 years of my life, that's it... my past dreams/ambitions: teacher, actress, dj, lawyer, forensic scientist, broadcaster, public prosecutor, nothing, forensic scientist, teacher -- they don't matter anymore...
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1:04 AM
Great Singapore Sale...
What great singapore sale?? The REAL sale has only
just begun.......
Was calculating mentally just now.... and realised i spent $100 in one week on clothings!!!!!!!! -FAINT-
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7:07 PM
Mmmm...
The problem with not blogging frequently and periodically is that i will come to a point when i have too much to say then I am sian to organise my thoughts so i postpone posting then i will accumulate more things to say then even more sian to post and then postpone again......... viscious cycle. gah. >__<
if i were to plot a mood against time graph for each day from sunday to today, i would get a sine graph: my mood is really in simple harmonic motion. bottom-low on sun, den equilibrium, den peak, den equilibrium, den bottom-low today again.
The allusion to SHM implies, yes, that i'm officially back to teaching physics. "(insert wide eyes) Why are you back???" went many teachers and my own students. cuz i cant bear to leave! nah, didn't say tt of course. i'm not the type who could bring myself to express my feelings outright anyway... The best i could do to convey how super
pleased i was to see all my students ard the sch is a extra-cheery "HELLO!" and a wider-than-usual SMILE. well... it seems like there's an automatic filter (likened to a spam-filter) in me which blocks that channel of communication through direct spoken words. does it matter? for now, i am enjoying an abundance of cheery hellos and SWEET smiles anyway! :D
I love to work. is it scary if i think that work can be a purpose of life? i dun mean for the money la... neither do i mean work
itself is my purpose in life! To be entrusted with a responsibilty, to interact with ppl in some ways and to build relationships during ur work: isn't work a meaningful commitment in life? i was so down on sunday becuz i was doing nothing! i felt sluggish, i had nothing to do, i couldn't bring myself to find sth to do... so i sat ard, stoned, thought of meaningless stuff, troubling stuff, frustrating stuff, stuff i couldn't think of an ans etc etc... then the thinking tired me out and sent me to an afternoon nap, even though i woke up at 12 tt day?! dun u tink it's disgusting? i was totally disgusted with myself. i knew i was disgusting to waste my time away, yet i didn't do anything abt it so i became even more disgusted with myself..... hated myself, felt suicidal, felt i had no purpose in life... when i started work on tue, i felt different already! purely a coincidence? i doubt so...
but maybe, i hardly know the definitition of "work" (except the scientific one :P) given that this was the only job i had since i graduated... maybe the normal working life (teacher is not normal meh?) is more meaningless and frustrating and boring... well, at least that's sth to do still? and it really depends on how u regard your "boring" job right? what do you think of working at the US embassy filing visas? The caucasian guy who interviewed me behind a glass pane joked with me, tested me on chemistry to ascertain i was "the right person to send to US for studies" (Na+Cl-->?, Ba+Na2-->??), and even dropped a line of encouragement "study hard!" before i turned to go. It could have been such a mudane job, repeating the same procedures of interview, having fleeting interation with every applicant, but he spiced up his own working life and in turn made my day (after a horrible horrible "adventure" at the embassy). It's not that hard yeah?
Ok, going back to the horrible adventure at the embassy.... haiz. it all began from one mistake of reaching late, then led to a BIG mistake and that's it man: i was sent into disarrays and everything went wrong. i've sinned. i've done sth i totally hated other people doing unknowingly. so i hated myself. yet when i realised i did it, i did nothing to revert my action. so i hated myself even more. the guilt, coupled with fatigue, turned me into a lost wandering soul in us embassy. i was horrible. i felt horrible. hating others for doing sth is one thing, when u yourself did that very thing, it's twice the hate and disgust! my principles, compromised. ahhhhh.......
ok, whining aside. i just realised that the US embassy visa office is such an interesting place! it's like a bank with many counters (which resemble money changer's counters) and a waiting area with seats. as i sat down, facing the row of counters, it's not hard to overhear ppl in their interviews (since they are all rasing their voice for fear the sound cant pass thru the glass, i think). One getting Phd, one going for studies but planning to go back to china, one studying in chicago and looking forward to job opportunities there, one going to meet her husband..... everyone wants to go to the same country but with different purposes, different plans, and every day, hundreds gather in this
small room telling a stranger their plans and aspirations and waiting (for that visa) for their new chapter in life to unfold... do those officers realise how much their work mean to us? maybe the guy who interviewed me does...? :)
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9:34 PM
Money illusion
patient: me
ailment: Money illusion syndrome
causes: anticipated salary from (re)employment that comes after a long period of unemployment, continued allowance from lovely dad despite anticipated salary, transferring funds from one bank to another bank thus seeing a figure on cheque which has never been noticed before, deprivation during the first month of the great singapore sale
effects: Sudden outburst at takashimaya ladies' department yesterday. Rationality taken over by irrationality. Bought a wallet and a bag at the same spot within a span of 30min. and now regretting her choice of purchase of one of the items. >__<
doctor's advice: strictly speaking, none, unless a sudden onset of major inflation and/or ridiculous price hike conspired by ALL retailers (unlikely, since IOC is here this week, you know). Receiving the university's bursar bill of 5-dig figure asap might help. KIV for now.
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12:50 PM
