Jigsaw puzzle
I had been fixing a jigsaw puzzle.
All along, I was convinced this particular piece of the jigsaw puzzle belonged to a particular spot. I stubbornly thought that was the picture. I used all strength to force it in.
But, a jigsaw puzzle is pre-cut. Each piece belongs to its own pre-fixed spot. I could not change it; i could only fix it.
Hence, i gave up forcing that piece in. It fitted another spot easily and comfortably, but my uncertainty still remained -- i was still convinced that was the picture.
On wednesday, the last piece of the puzzle fitted into that spot perfectly, and the whole picture was complete.
Finally, no more doubts, no more uncertainty. i am glad i gave in in time. And yes, i now know i am badly mistaken about the picture, and i accept it.
Maybe not.
It makes me feel a lot better if i accept that this was all fated. i feel more comforted if i accept that it's not my fault that i can't do anything to change how things are predestined in life. but... why must it turn out
this way for me? I told the truth, why do none of them believe me??? What on earth did i do wrong???
Fine. It's all fated, ok? I'll take that. Case closed.
*
12:28 AM
My little ones!
1S03P, complete with all 28 students =D, with a picture-perfect background! :)
1S03K, at my "residential lab" (=P) lab 5!
1S06C: a shot taken from outside lab 5 through the large window! (look at the bottom left! haha!)
Calling them my little ones make me sound...old! but as a matter of fact, i do feel i have aged. and really, i treat them like my little ones! haha! no matter how inattentive they could be, how dead they could get, how talkative they could be, how lazy they could be, how irritating they could be, at the end of everything, i still love them all! because in the past 5 months, i am absolutely nothing without them :)
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1:47 AM
Japanese hate studying??
My teacher is starting to teach us kanji characters, which generally look and mean the same as traditional chinese characters but pronounced differently. example, 大 indeed means big.
But this one is damn interesting...
勉强These 2 characters mean "forced; against one's will" in chinese (read:mian2 qiang3), but they mean "study" in kanji (read:benkyoo)! So the japanese think that studying is something against their will huh?
which i absolutely DISAGREE!
Somehow, my
short (yeah
, short..) stint as a teacher has helped me gain a whole new perspective of "studying". It irks me to see students having the i-think-Phy-is-boring-so-i-refuse-to-listen attitude, or worse, the i-can't-be-bothered-with-Phy-so-i-am-not-doing-my-tutorial attitude, as though the whole school owes them one for forcing them take physics! YAH RIGHT!
No one forced them to choose physics out of so many subjects that are available!
No one forced them to put down physics just for the sake of making up 4 Alevel subjects! But since u have chosen the subject already, be responsible for your choice! Be commited to do your best for the subject, whether you like it or not in the first place! Cuz, YOU.CHOSE.IT. no excuses.
Then again, is it so hard to
like studying a subject you don't like? Look, i admit (with a
tinge of guilt :P) that physics is hardly among my favourite subjects. But now that i have to teach the subject, i started to learn so many new things about it which i previously do not know! (What Alevel cert!!) I read physics textbooks on my own accord! I realise that physics can be so interesting to study! I am tempted to take physics modules at uni!
See, it ain't that hard right? Just throw away the prejudices, and keep the "end" (exams/cert) out of your mind. What 勉强???
I can't wait to become a student again!
PS: I made my students sound so horrible!! oops! but hey, i do have a few gems! :)
*
4:59 PM
Apple Green, Lemon Yellow
I am so into bright colours these days!
I bought an apple-green halter top today! It's so super bright i would not have expected myself to dare to wear it! but i just can't fight the urge to pick that colour among the other "normal" colours like black white and pale pink, and i amazingly felt so comfortable trying it on! (hmm...) And so, i bought it. (though i half-suspect now it's one of the non-sales items planted in the loudly proclaimed "GREAT Summer Sale!")
And i'm so drawn to the bright lemon-yellow blinds/curtains at that cine shop! (eh.. what's this thing called? it's meant for the door...) They look so cute and cheery i wanna hang on my future dorm door! if only i know my room mate now so that i can ask her if she minds bright yellow blinds hahaha... actually, i am excited about decorating my new room (with bright colours, most probably)!
gosh... i think i sound like a bimbo. EEEEEKS! NOOOOOOOO!!!
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My dead-est class 3K was so surprisingly adorable today! the girls were sweeter and guai-er than usual. the boys were actually joking with me! i have never felt happier walking out from their class! =D
maybe they are just nicer to me cuz i am leaving soon. maybe once i've adjusted my expectations, i am easily contented. or maybe... bonds do form; ties do grow...
wadeva. i am a happy girl today! :)
*
10:35 PM
4th Month Anniversary
17 Jan -17 May. 4 months of teaching. (and 2 weeks more...) yeah! ;)
Sounds short right? but it feels like ages..... Subtracting away all the sch holidays, the actual number of days we taught is...err.. few. yet, we are all burning out already.... can't believe a month ago, i was thinking of doing this long-term! sooooo tired... and starting to feel helpless as the syllabus is getting harder and all my weaknesses are starting to show... haha... must siam before i get "exposed"! haha...
in any case... though i have never really left the school at all, this
part of my life feels sooooo "isolated" from the previous
part of life. It's like... my memories of rj as a jc student is stored in one compartment of my brain, and my memories of rj as a relief teacher is stored in another compartment, and both sets of memories don't seem to link from one to the other though chronologically, they ought to... (ok i cant seem to put it down in words...) Well, different physical environments is a major reason, but essentially, the whole system, the teachers are still there, yet somehow it still feels so different...
- trudging down dull corridors past LT1, 2 and 3 towards the TSes vs trekking down loooooooong corridors past numerous i-dunno-what rooms
- walking past ghim moh estate with 6a ppl to buona vista mrt vs walking down an infinitely long pathway with RI's wall as the only scenery towards bishan mrt
- sitting in LT1 anxiously copying down notes (before lecturer removed the slide!) and fighting the urge to doze off vs sitting in LT 1 wide awake and marvelling "hey! i didn't understand this last time! oops!" and scorning at sound-asleep students
- Running errands as a Phy rep for Ms chan vs running errands as a Phy relief teacher for Ms chan
- Discussing abt teachers in their full names (so rude!! but it's not just me lor! :P) vs discussing abt teachers in their last name "Mr _____"
I seem to assume a "dual-identity"... When i am with my students, i naturally feel a sense of authority, i just feel like their "elderly" (zhang3 bei4). When i am with the teachers or fellow j3 relief teachers, i feel like a 19-year-old student again, free from that heavy reponsibility. And interestingly, my voice interchanges between the low and high pitches involuntarily! sheesh... i can't really explain this, u gotta listen urself haha..
but anw, no matter how tired i am now, i do like this identity. :) really, how many chances in my life will i get to assume such an interesting identity?
Had a satisfying buffet feast at Sakae Sushi with the fellow j3 relief teachers yesterday! All (but one) were with me since jan 17! we survived these 4 months, together. :) we "teachers" unbashedly flashing student passes to get student price! lolz! who cares la.. we r not tt rich oso wad! The lunch/dinner was really fun! heh!
*
12:50 PM
Decided. at last.
Feels great to have made a decision!! Even if the decision means the next 10 years of my life is FIXED. but who cares! The process of decision-making is how torturous! I've learnt it's good to make a decision quickly! Cuz it seems like regardless of making the decision one and a half week ago or yesterday, my decision would still be the same... "I guessed it long ago"/"I'm not surprised by your decision" -- not just one, but TWO friends actually said that! am i that predictable? =P heh...
i have said it previously, but i have to say it again... It's all
fate huh? Fated that i am snubbed by all the other scholarship boards, fated that i was out of the running for this scholarship then back in the running again... i still marvel at the chronology of events that happened to me. everything just went its own way, and i just could not control/anticipate/guess/predict the outcome... sometimes i kinda feel dictated, but the "dictator" up there somewhere is still kind to me in the end. so far. :)
oh wait. unless my acceptance form/coupon does not reach PUB/cornell. then... what can i say... it's fated lor! haha!
The building that houses the chem lab. :) ok, can't exactly see it from this weird angle. but i will soon be able to take a good photo of it myself! yeah!
Damn damn excited about this new phase in life! =D
*
10:04 AM
Twist of events
First, i received 3 rejection letters in 2 days. All my scholarship interviews seemed to end up with the same sorry outcome. I looked set to receive my last rejection letter to complete my collection of rejection letters.
But the last rejection letter never came.
Then, i went through another series of interviews, for local university inclusive. All of a sudden, I received 3 acceptance letters in 2 days.
I joked that the
curse is broken. Or maybe my interview skills have improved. (err...) Or maybe it's my new hairstyle... (err...
new?) Hmmm...
But now, a whole new set of problems associated with acceptance letters arise. Sheesh... Is this inevitable/acceptable, or just me not appreciating my new blessings (sheng1 zai4 fu2 zhong1 bu4 zhi1 fu2)?
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1:23 PM
